My Ten Year Anniversary

Our family is praying especially hard today for an opportunity that might aid us in our attempts to clear our financial muddy waters. I’m not above asking the anonymous internet for your prayerful support, too. In all things, let God’s will be done.

I graduated in December 2004 and started paying my loans back six months later. We are coming up on the 10 year anniversary of student loan repayment. Looking at it another way, I’m halfway there on those 20 year repayment plans that I was completely stupid about choosing. Completely. Yes, I’m a rocket scientist and no, I don’t know how to manage my personal finances.

It seems like an appropriate time to admit that – that I don’t know how to manage money. That my eyes are often bigger than my wallet. That we’ve mortgaged away our future with student loans, payment plans for non-essential items, and mortgages that kept us up with the Joneses. We justified every single item; it seemed like a smart move at the time…

Which makes me scared to make any more decisions on money. Clearly I am clueless (probably my husband, too, but we’ll keep him out of this. It’s my blog and he didn’t ask to be drug through the mud).

But we can’t keep going the way we are now, either. It’s not working!! So I’m doing my best to be more prayerful and to seek God’s guidance. I set reminders on my phone to pray – because it’s easy in the is-it-night-or-day world of nursing a newborn to forget to talk with my Father, who wants nothing more than to help me. And I’ve set up a daily Bible reading plan (again on my phone) to remind me of the challenges that we have AND that God has a plan. This blog is another piece of that humble pie – a journal of where we’ve been, where we are now, and where we hope to be, acknowledging God’s presence and providence in it all.

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My second reminder to stop and pray. Yep, second reminder at 6 am.

The messes I have made in the past 10+ years won’t be corrected over night. I’m well aware that we will make some more missteps and have more regrets. But I’ve decided to out a positive spin on our mess and use my failings as an opportunity to draw closer to God. I need Him and I know He will help me. Yes, He already helps me put (good) food on our table, a (large) roof over our heads, and (nice) clothes on our back. But He can also help me not worry. Help me give to good causes. Help me teach my children more fiscal responsibility than I have.

Take that, little red shoulder devil!

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