Success Story Saturday and Going Back To Work

Talking about being in debt and cutting back and budgeting is such a downer, I am trying to write about even a small success on each Saturday. But if you have some really great “I have overcome” financial story, I’d love to share it here.

This week I am proud to say that we did not run back to the store for anything. No, I didn’t completely stick to the meal plans, but because I had purchase back-up meals, we were able to rely on them once or twice. Hooray for not going back to the store!

As for going back to work, of course the baby and I survived (note, however, that it am eating ice cream for breakfast as I write this). I had to turn around a few times before we were actually on our way, but I’d left home plenty early, so that was even ok. I dropped the girls off and I heard the baby crying as I left the daycare. Guilt and dread filled me, and my legs felt like lead as I walked out the door. It feels so wrong to turn your back on your crying child. She was crying for me.

Since the baby hasn’t been taking a bottle well, I didn’t defrost much milk (it has to be used in 24 hrs and I’m not going to bottle feed at home). The daycare called me at 1 pm to say they only had 3 ounces left. That was probably enough, but I ran over the results from my two pumping sessions and…I saw her. The staff had her wrapped up and put her in a bouncy chair, with a teacher sitting in front of her, bouncing her to sleep. I knew they’d told me it was often too hectic to rock a newborn to sleep, but… Couldn’t she do that now? How is bouncing her to sleep any different? I felt so sorry for my little one – probably only touched when she takes a bottle or needs a diaper change. She’s not even three months old yet and she’s practically abandoned. Neglected. That is how I feel.

When I returned after work, she was crying and the teacher told me she had just finished three ounces, so she wasn’t really sure what the matter was just yet. I took her to a private corner of the room, bounced her on my knee and got two huge burps. She nursed for a few minutes after that, then unlatched, looked at me and smiled a huge smile. And then she laughed. And then she BAWLED … I’m sure she was thinking “momma, what did I do wrong? Where have you been?

She cried much of the way home (not an insignificant drive), but was happy inside the house. I rocked her to sleep and then laid in bed with her for the rest of the night, sleeping and nursing.

The actual work part was ok, too. I was missed. Two people pulled me aside for an hour each to tell me what has happened without me, and my boss has big plans for my future. Um, ok. Everyone wanted to ask about the baby. Sigh. One day I’ll want to crack out baby pictures, but not the first day. It’s too raw.

So, we made it. And I’m still praying for a way out.

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6 thoughts on “Success Story Saturday and Going Back To Work

  1. Your words leave me in tears this morning. I’m praying with you for a way out, Kirsten. God not only has you in the palm of His hand, He has your baby. And He hears your cry and knows your heart. I know the pull of wanting to be home and I know from experience that with God all things truly are possible. Enjoy your weekend with your family and know you are being thought of and prayed for . {hugs}, mb

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    • Meredith, thank you so so much for your uplifting and encouraging comments. I need them. I need to keep hearing that all things are possible with a God. And I plan to hold this baby all weekend 🙂 as I write this, she’s in a baby wrap, sleeping on my chest. Doesn’t get any better!

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  2. And I have a small success story, too! I forgot. This week I changed car insurance (been needing to do for a while and kept procrastinating…dumb!) and saved HALF what I was paying…saving me $50/month and I decreased my internet by $20/month. It’s a big chunck of my fixed expenses and it felt good to do something in the right direction. 😉 Finished week 2 of FPU with Dave Ramsey and it feels good to at least be making a plan and being on the same page with my husband. 🙂

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  3. Oh sweet momma, my heart is breaking for you!! One thing I know for sure, your dear girls will not question your love for them for a second! I think of you often!

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