Alone

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Excuse the grainy selfie taken in a dark room šŸ˜‰

When my friend texted me on Thursday that she would finally get to be a stay-at-home mom, I cried tears of joy. And maybe every other tear was a tear for me, because suddenly I was alone. I’ve never really known anyone else who wanted – yearned – to stay home with their child, but who couldn’t afford it.

I Google this stuff all the time: “afford to be stay at home mom”, “stay at home mom income ideas”, “want to be a stay at home mom”… And I look for blogs, blogs, and more blogs, trying to find kindred souls. But what I find, of course, are the mommy wars.

I find articles written about why you should stay home and articles written about why you shouldn’t. I find post after post addressing the topic of a working mom who is thinking about quitting her job, but doesn’t want to lose herself. But what I don’t read about are moms that don’t have a choice in the matter – who have to work…

I read about how all you have to do is clip coupons and give up one vehicle and voila! You have an instant way to be a stay-at-home mom. I think these articles are insulting: if all you have to do is save $10 a week to be a stay at home mom or cut out one major bill, you ought to be able to figure that out for yourself. What do you do who you literally need half your rocket scientist paycheck and you don’t even have a car payment? Well, I think I know the answer: you resign yourself to working and to attempting to be the best mom you can be in the few short hours you get each day. There, I said it. I guess that’s why I can’t find the blogs for women like me. It’s depressing.

Others like me do exist. I’m sure of it. I just don’t know where they are or how to reach out to them, which is perhaps a small reason for this blog. “Come find me!! I can’t seem to figure out where you are!”

I want to know how these other women have coped with the flood of sadness as maternity leave ends (’cause I am doing a terrible job). I want to know I’m really not alone. And I’d love to cry on the shoulder (even virtually) of just one woman who gets it.

As I was crying my selfish tears, I read a beautiful post over at Hugs, Kisses, and Dirty Diapers that strengthened my resolve on one matter: I would tell my girls that they can be anything they want to be, but somehow I will let them know that mommy is the most important job they can ever aspire to have. I’ll let them know that it’s OK to choose that as their career, and to not listen to anyone who tells them differently. I already pray every day that they will grow up loving the Lord, following His ways, and serving Him (and what better service is there than as a mommy?), but I also pray that this is a decision that is really up to them. Because it’s not up to me.

Do you talk to your children about careers? If you do, do you ever talk about stay-at-home moms?

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2 thoughts on “Alone

  1. You have no idea how much this has blessed me to know I was able to bring a little encouragement to you. You are such an amazing woman and I know for a fact there are many out there like you (I personally know a few myself), perhaps they just are not bloggers. :-/ Reading your post breaks my heart and leaves me in tears for your unmet desire today. I pray you will find the strength you need. You are setting a beautiful example to your daughters and even though you may not spend every hour with them I know there will be not a doubt in their minds that they are loved–and this is what is most important.

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